MY STORY
What Nearly Broke Me,
Became a Greater Purpose
Lived experience raised questions, those questions led me to the research, and the research showed me that what I was seeing isn't individual, it's systemic. What I learned became a lifelong commitment to understanding the problem, building solutions, and changing what happens next for women after abuse.
WHERE IT BEGAN
The Pattern Started Long Before Me.
Before I had the language to understand what I was seeing, I had already watched versions of the same pattern move through generations of women in my family. The pattern stretched from my great-Oma in wartime Germany, to my Oma, an immigrant who remained in an abusive marriage without financial independence, to my mother, and eventually to me.
When it became my turn, I made a decision: the cycle would end with me.
Leaving meant stepping into enormous uncertainty, and my children and I struggled because of it. There were food pantries, unmet medical needs, negative bank balances just to put gas in the car, and times when I had to navigate family court without an attorney.
But I trusted God, and I kept going. I wanted my daughter to know that mistreatment isn't something she has to accept because leaving is frightening. I wanted my son to know this is not how women should be treated. I wanted to show my babies how it's done.
THE QUESTION
So I Went to the Research
I had an unusual perspective while living through it. Because of my background, I often knew the language the literature used to describe what I was experiencing. I wasn't only asking, How do I survive this? I was also asking, Why is this happening? Is this just me? And what does the research tell us about it?
Most people probably pick up the phone and call a friend when something doesn't make sense. I go to the peer-reviewed literature. So I began examining the research on coercive control, financial abuse, post-separation abuse, family court, institutional response, and women's economic outcomes after divorce.
1also began having in-depth conversations through my podcast with survivors and experts working closest to these issues. Over time. I spoke with nearly 100 survivors, alongside researchers, practitioners, attorneys, advocates, and other experts.
IT WASN'T INDIVIDUAL
It Was Systemic
Coercive control doesn't necessarily end when a relationship ends.
When one avenue of control closes, another can open. For some women, after separation, the coercive control turns financial. And when the systems a survivor turns to don't recognize the broader pattern or meaningfully stabilize what is happening, the consequences can cascade, making it increasingly difficult to access support, navigate the system, meet basic needs, and rebuild.
Leaving is only the first step. What happens next matters.
THE RESPONSE
I Decided to Build What Was Missing
Once I understood the problem differently. I couldn't simply walk away from it.
I now work from both sides of the problem: directly with survivors through one-on-one family court navigation, and with institutions through research. speaking. professional training, and consulting to help them better understand coercive control and strengthen how they respond.
But I also saw who was being left behind. The women whose coercive control had become so financially destabilizing could also be the women least able to afford the additional support they needed. So I founded You Made a Way. a 501(c)(3), to help qualifying women navigate the financial and systemic consequences that can follow leaving abuse.
Because meaningful change requires work from both directions: survivors need help navigating systems, and systems need help understanding and responding to survivors,
A GREATER PURPOSE
What Nearly Broke Me Did Not Get the Final Word
I cannot change what happened to my great-Oma, my Oma, my mother, or me. But I can decide what happens next.
I can show my children something different. I can go back for women who are still where I once was. And I can use what I've learned through lived experience, research, and the stories women have trusted me to hear to help survivors navigate better and institutions respond better.
Breaking the cycle in my own family matters. But changing the conditions that allow versions of that cycle to continue for other women matters, too.
Leaving is the first step.
TOGETHER WE MAKE A WAY FORWARD.
MY STORY